Making the decision to move a loved one into memory care is rarely easy. For many families, it comes after months or even years of caregiving, difficult conversations, and growing concern about a loved one’s safety and well-being.
Even after the move, the emotional journey continues. Families often experience a mix of guilt, uncertainty, relief, sadness, and ongoing adjustment as they learn how to support someone living with dementia. Whether it’s Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia, the challenges can evolve over time, often bringing new questions for families along the way.
Through their work with residents and families every day, the memory care professionals at Arbor Place at Meth-Wick have helped countless families navigate those challenges. While every dementia journey is unique, there are practical approaches that can help families better understand what their loved one is experiencing and find meaningful ways to stay connected.
Understanding the Ongoing Nature of Dementia
One of the most important things for families to understand is that dementia is not a static condition. It changes over time, and those changes can be difficult to predict.
A strategy that worked well a few months ago may no longer be effective today. A resident may seem engaged and alert one day and confused or withdrawn the next. These fluctuations can be frustrating for families who are trying to make sense of what they’re seeing.
“Families sometimes expect that dementia follows a straight path, but every person’s journey is different,” says Tali Efimov, Nurse Manager for Arbor Place. “As dementia progresses, the focus shifts from correcting behaviors to understanding what a resident may be experiencing in that moment.”
While dementia is progressive, families are often surprised to see their loved one become calmer or more engaged after settling into memory care. A structured environment, familiar routines, consistent caregivers, and opportunities for social interaction can help reduce anxiety and create a greater sense of comfort, even as the disease continues to progress.
Communicating in a Way That Connects
Communication also requires a different approach as dementia progresses. The goal becomes less about exchanging information and more about creating comfort, reassurance, and connection.
Simple strategies can make a meaningful difference:
- Use clear, straightforward language.
- Ask one question at a time.
- Allow extra time for responses.
- Focus on reassurance rather than correction.
- Pay attention to tone, facial expressions, and body language.
One of the most common challenges families face is knowing how to respond when a loved one says something that isn’t accurate. While it may feel natural to correct them, doing so can sometimes increase anxiety or confusion.
Instead, it is often more helpful to focus on the emotion behind what they’re saying. If a loved one is expressing fear, worry, sadness, or frustration, responding to those feelings can create a stronger sense of comfort than trying to establish the facts.
“Meet your loved one where they are—that’s their reality,” says Tali. “If they are confused and think they need to get ready to go to work, instead of correcting them, redirect the conversation. Ask them about the job they once had and what they enjoyed about it. Redirecting the conversation is often much more comforting than trying to convince them they’re wrong.”
Successful communication is not about having the perfect response. It’s about helping a loved one feel safe, understood, and supported.
Navigating Visits: What Helps and What Doesn’t
Visits are important, but many families put pressure on themselves to make every visit meaningful or successful. The reality is that visits can vary from day to day.
Some days, a loved one may be talkative and engaged. Other days, they may seem distracted, tired, confused, or less interested in conversation. These changes are a normal part of dementia and do not necessarily reflect how much they enjoy seeing family members.
Many families find that shorter, more frequent visits can feel more comfortable than longer visits. Bringing familiar items such as family photographs, favorite music, or special keepsakes can also help create moments of comfort and recognition.
It’s equally important to follow your loved one’s lead. If they seem content simply sitting quietly together, those moments can be just as meaningful as a lengthy conversation.
“Go into every visit with an open mind; bring an activity if you’d like, but don’t force it. Be flexible and adjust to your loved one’s mood that day,” says Tali. “Families sometimes worry they aren’t doing enough if conversation is limited. But just being present is a wonderful visit. Those quiet moments often bring our residents tremendous joy.”
Responding to Behavioral Changes
Behavioral changes are often one of the most difficult aspects of dementia for families to understand.
Agitation, confusion, repetition, withdrawal, or restlessness often occur as dementia progresses. Seeing these behaviors can feel alarming, but it’s helpful to remember that they are often a form of communication. As cognitive abilities change, a person may no longer be able to express discomfort, fear, frustration, or other needs with words.
Physical needs like hunger, pain, or fatigue—as well as overstimulation, unfamiliar surroundings, or changes in routine—can all influence behavior. That’s why memory care professionals look beyond the behavior itself to understand what may be causing it. Predictable routines and familiar environments also help reduce stress and create a greater sense of comfort and security.
“When we see a change in behavior, we don’t immediately focus on stopping the behavior—we try to understand what’s causing it,” Tali says. “Sometimes it’s a physical issue like pain or fatigue. Other times it’s a change in routine or environment. Looking for those underlying causes helps us respond in a way that’s more comforting and supportive for the resident.”
She also encourages families not to take behavioral changes personally.
“Many behaviors are symptoms of the disease, not intentional reactions toward family members,” says Tali. “Understanding that can help relieve some of the guilt and hurt families sometimes feel.”
Supporting Yourself as a Family Member
Dementia affects entire families, not just the person receiving care. Even after a loved one moves into memory care, family members often continue to experience feelings of guilt, denial, grief, frustration, sadness, or uncertainty. Those emotions are a normal part of the journey.
It’s important to remember that choosing memory care is not stepping away from your loved one’s care. You remain an important part of their life and support system.
“Many families carry an enormous amount of guilt when it’s time to consider memory care,” Tali says. “I want them to know that choosing memory care isn’t stepping away from their loved one. It’s allowing our team to provide daily support so families can focus on being present, sharing moments together, and simply being a spouse, son, or daughter again, rather than their caregiver.”
Just as importantly, remember to care for yourself. Maintaining your own physical and emotional well-being allows you to continue showing up for your loved one in meaningful ways.
A Partnership for Every Step of the Journey
The move to memory care is not the end of a family’s role—it’s the beginning of a new partnership. Through experience, compassion, and a consistent, person-centered approach to care, the Arbor Place team works alongside families every step of the way. Questions, concerns, and observations are always welcome because the best support happens when families and caregivers work together.
Families are also encouraged to take advantage of Meth-Wick’s Caregiver Support Group, which is open to the public. The group provides a welcoming place for family caregivers to share experiences, ask questions, and connect with others who understand the challenges of caring for a loved one with dementia. For those looking for additional support, the Meth-Wick team can also help connect families with local and online caregiver resources.
If you would like to learn more about memory care at Arbor Place, attend an upcoming Caregiver Support Group meeting, or speak with a member of our team, we’re here to help. Contact us to schedule a visit, ask questions, or learn more about the support available for your loved one—and for you.