When we were children, we relied on Mom and Dad to help us feel better when we were sick, to drive us wherever and whenever we needed to go, to help us with homework…all of the things, big and small, that made us feel healthy, happy and safe.

As adult children, our relationship with Mom and Dad undergoes a change. Children become caregivers to parents. We begin to see a shift in our role when Mom or Dad needs help with the tasks that are part of their daily life such as driving, shopping, managing appointments, organizing medication and household chores. This change signals the need for a conversation between children and parents.

While adult children may find their new role daunting, helpful insights are offered in “Be Your Own Hero: Senior Living Decisions Simplified,” by Catherine Owens. The author writes about the fears, struggles and social stigmas that aging and health concerns can create for the elderly and their families as they explore senior living options. In her chapter “Understanding Key Influencers,” Owens stresses that although adult children can’t make senior living decisions for their parents, they need to realize their decision-making role may change over time, as their parents’ needs change.

Owens says, “Adult children often are the first ones to recognize the impact that a decline in health or ability to manage daily activities is having on a senior…It is an act of love and care when an adult child gives the appropriate help and assistance that loved ones need…” Children want to do what is best for their parents in all aspects of their lives; keeping them safe and providing peace-of-mind that they are making the right decisions are some of the biggest responsibilities children will take on.

As you sit down to talk to your parents about their senior living options and lifestyle preferences and needs, Owens suggests you bring the following questions to the table:

• Who is the primary decision maker?
• What decisions are being considered and why?
• Who are the key influencers?
• What decisions are they currently making or advocating and why?
• How important is this decision to you?
• What will be easier about this decision if you wait to make a change?
• When was the last time you felt peace of mind?

Knowing the answers to these questions as your parents begin retirement planning will help them—and you—know when they’ll need their children’s help. It is natural to begin to worry about your parents as they age. The best thing you can do is be there for them.

If you or your parents have questions about senior living or other aging-related issues, we encourage you to contact Julie Farmer at lifestyles@methwick.org.